I’m starting to believe what the late comedian George Carlin said about America:

“When you’re born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America, you get a front row seat.”

In a story unique to America, a single mother-of-two is trying to break the record for the heaviest human alive. (Americans hold 9 of the top 10 spots on heaviest-people-ever list)

According to the Daily Mail, Susanne Eman, a resident of the great state of Arizona, says she will soon, if she hasn’t already, overtake the largest mother ever, Donna Simpson of New Jersey, who weighs in at a nimble 700 pounds.

“I’d love to find out if it’s humanly possible to reach a ton,” she said. “A previous record holder was 1,600lbs, so I have to be at least that.” 

Accordingly, Eman is obsessed with the American dogma of never-ending growth, but just as much as that economic theory sounds absurd considering we live on a finite-resource planet, Eman is as committed to pushing the boundaries of her organic body to the outer limits of reason as Wall Street is about the economy:

“At my current rate of growth, I should be 1610 lb. by age 41 or 42.”

Susanne visits the supermarket once a month with sons Gabriel, 16, and Brendin, 12, and spends up to eight hours filling six trollies.

“It’s like a full day’s work,” said Susanne, who uses a motorised scooter, but astonishingly believes she can stay healthy.

She added: “The bigger I get, the better I feel. I feel more confident and sexy. Why shouldn’t I push the limits and see how fat I can get and stay healthy?”

Eman claims she is in perfect health, — as she takes regular blood pressure measurements and keeps track of her insulin levels. She also takes her exercise regimen seriously. She doesn’t want her muscle to succumb to the weight of her fat deposits.

Despite warnings from her doctor that her bizarre experiment could kill her, Susanne insists she wants to break the record.

Dr Patrick Flite said: “She’s really playing Russian roulette with her life with this goal. There are well-documented complications that come with morbid obesity.”

“I would never encourage anyone to be doing what Susanne is doing.”

Dr Flite said Susanne’s medical checks showed no current problems, adding: “She’s capable of making her own decisions.  I don’t see any psychiatric problems or anything else wrong.”

Fat acceptance is making a surge in the face of mean-spirited attacks on large humans. Maybe Eman’s weight-gain journey will help Americans accept that they live in the fattest nation in the world.

Eman accepts donations to help subsidize her lifestyle, and if your fan of the many weight-loss reality shows like The Biggest Loser and Too Fat for Fifteen, this should be right up your alley. If this doesn’t make you feel better about your life — watching a person actively try to kill herself — you are not a patriot.

*Don King Voice* “Only in America!”

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15 Comments

  1. I just don’t know how to react or comment because she seems so happy.

    My father told me that I should not judge drug addicts since I don’t know what it feels like to use — it may the greatest feeling in the world, and if someone is truly happy, who am I to judge.

    Even though my heart goes out to her kids, I guess all I can say is good luck…

  2. Wow! She is huge! But I guess people have to make up stuff to help themselves feel better about their lifestyle. I love the George Carlin reference … 🙂

  3. I’m upset she thinks she’ll live until 41…

  4. her poor kids 🙁

  5. A Mess … But I guess that’s her wishes. lol fat acceptance…

  6. This woman has no regard for her health. It’s called “morbid obesity” for a reason.

  7. If she was wealthy and not a welfare mom who is unwilling/unable to work or hold a job and who IS on the state health care system (PAID FOR BY JOB HOLDING TAXPAYERS) than this would not bother me but my fellow arizonans and other american taxpayers are footing the bill for her quest to be a record holding obese woman and I do not appreciate it. While she does have the right to do what she wants she should do it on her own dime. Instead of donors giving her money for food they should put the money toward a fund for her kids and start searching for someone to care for them after she croaks which will probably be soon. Or, they will end up in foster care and further tax our already stretched state budget. She is no better than a drug addicted meth head with children.

  8. Sad. Just plain sad….

  9. No words. I want to know what made her wake up one day and decide this was a good idea. And how do her boys feel about this?

  10. NO Doubt why do we have to pay for obsession with death and being FAT. No wonder we have problems with debt we allow stupid people to do stupid things with tax payers money.

  11. MOTHER OF GOD!!!!!!!!! I would just like to know WHO fathered those two children in the picture. Is the 3rd child hidden under the cinnamon roll?

  12. The byline to the headline will one day read: “And dies trying.”

    “At my current rate of growth, I should be 1610 lb. by age 41 or 42.” Honey, you’re not going to live that long.

    Final comment, is anyone else reminded of that barn scene in the film “Slither?”

  13. It’s her life, it’s her’s to do whatever she wants with it. Human life isn’t some precious gift bestowed on us personally with a handwritten note from the cosmos saying, “Don’t eff up I’m watching you.” We’re just a mass of atoms floating around space on a rock in the middle of nowhere. Really she’s only hurting herself and if that’s what she wants to do, if that’s what makes her happy why does it matter she’s doing it?

    The kids will be fine. They probably have grandparents or something and if they don’t they’ll be old enough soon to take care of themselves.

    Americans tend to be incredibly wasteful but we’re playing with the hands we’re dealt. No one chooses to go without unless they have that luxury and no one in their right mind would say, “No thanks I’m fine with my poverty” when presented with the American lifestyle.

  14. It’s disgusting that anyone would want this. Your health is at stake. Your family will suffer. Some people just are not very bright.

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