Food labels

My frozen peas are “gluten free”. My dark chocolate is “bursting with antioxidants”. My eggs are “all natural”. (I used to buy the unnatural eggs but after I found a baby woodchuck in one I switched.) My totally-not-healthy-in-any-way licorice is “fat free”. My yogurt is “now with probiotics”. (Um, what were they using before? Camel urine?) And, my personal fave, my bananas are a “superfood”. Seriously marketers? Stop it. When my banana sprouts a cape and saves my toddler from a speeding train then you can slap a superfood sticker on it.

Simplify: Foods that come without labels – usually produce, bananas notwithstanding, and fresh meats and seafood – are generally the healthiest foods out there. As for foods with labels, I find it works much better if I ignore all the hype in big letters on the front and just look at the nutritional facts on the back. Twenty three grams of sugar in a yogurt? You can keep your probiotics, thanks. While I wish that food marketers would be more honest in their labeling – all my peas better be gluten free – that’s probably as likely to happen as Lindsay Lohan staying sober so in the meantime I just take it all with an iodized grain of salt (“iodide is a necessary nutrient!”).

around the web


  1. strangest label warning: may cause anal leakage… I was outdone!! Its right there on the pack and we are still eating it daily. It was something out of the vending machine

  2. Wow, all of these are SOOOO true. I tried making my own really creative salads at home, and well, they can get expensive!!! And I finally just succumbed to the fact that I really only ever want to lift free weights…the machines and going to the gym bore me to death!!! Healthy on your own terms is the way to go and you are more likely to stick to it if you aren’t forcing yourself into someone else’s fitness mold. The hubby and I are in sync on many other things, but working out is not one of them. Nice article!!

  3. Funny, and well written. Im off to my first gym of the season and hate it compared to hopping on my bike all summer. These are some great tips, and some good humor, to make it simpler – thanks for the boost!

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