4. Do an Ironwoman competition now. Don’t listen to your midwife about holding off on any type of strenuous exercise until 8 months postpartum just because you had a 3rd degree tear into your poophole while pushing out that ten pounder. What does she know anyway? With your baby and/or kids already duct taped to you, you’ll have the added weight you’ll need to lose that postpartum ass. As you vomit towards the finish line and see the Child Protection Services Van driving towards you, don’t let that deter you from crossing and finishing. Remember, it not about CPS, it’s not about you or how you puked for the 18th time, it’s all about looking hot again so your unsightly belly and ass don’t make everyone else feel uncomfortable or annoyed. Explain to CPS that you don’t want to be obese and be a bad example for your children. Everyone knows that an obese lazy mother creates unsightly obese, fat, lazy children (and this is 4x more likely if you are darker than a brown bag apparently. Just watch Precious, you’ll see ) and that fat Americans are a financial and moral burden on the anorexic backs of skinny America. CPS will understand…..

5. Lastly, instead of spending your babymoon with the first 2-4 weeks in bed with your baby, singing to him or her and making eye contact, spend all your time on your Smartphone radiating your newborn’s brain as they nurse while your surf the web for blogs and information like this to learn how to not look like a fat-ass after giving birth.

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  1. Nope. This article makes me want to gain 300 lbs just to piss people off. First of all…ole girl is 30…not 40 like a lot of new moms out there who have gone to school, made a career and waited until they had a stable relationship with a good home b4 they just popped a baby out. If we all just had babies when we were teenagers….who would need weight watches..????

    Beyonce wears million dollar shoes she can not pronounce and a chef. For any celebrity who can afford the latest lazer lipo AT HOME..to parade their new body to millions of women who are struggling to put food on the table is sicking.

    • LMAO!!!!!!! Breast feed everybodies baby!!!!!!!!!! LLOLOLOL!!!! LOVES IT!!!!!

      Sorry…I love the article itself….hate the fat bashing of new moms. When did this trend start anyway where women are expected to look like superheros 10 minutes after giving birth.

  2. Beyonce and her body is million dollar investment. If anyone had the resources that she has, coupled with the pressure she has placed on her, then we all would be able to bounce back from pregnancy weight gain

  3. I’m happy that Beyonce has a healthy baby girl! But do we have to read about the “amazing bodies of the Super-rich?” Duh…?? If every new Mom had chefs, nannies, and posterpedic mattresses waiting after birth, weight watchers would be out of business!

  4. Beyonce … That bitch never gave birth…. Who in the hell hair stay curled after hours of labor… Smh
    And pulse she haven’t had any weight to loses y she wasn’t pregnant … Talking about how she had to loss 60 lbs bitch plz… Go kill ur self..

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