We often hear about how absent fathers can affect how a woman lives her life. From looking for love in all the wrong places and promiscuity, to being a ball buster who simply hates all men, there’s no doubt that fathers can have a huge positive or negative impact on us as women.

But what about mothers? Not every mother-daughter relationship is warm and fuzzy, the complex relationships can range from simply butting heads on occasion to all out war and hate.

So how do our relationships with our mothers affect the way we live our lives?

Do these mommy issues affect how you approach your love life or how you parent your children?

Maybe your relationship with your mom is the reason why you’re so career driven or have a love for the arts. Or is it so strained that you just don’t speak at all?

We may focus more on the fathers, but mothers play a huge role as well. I wonder what many of us would discover if we took the time to think about the impact our relationships with our mothers truly had on our lives.

Do you have mommy issues? How does it affect the way you live?

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16 Comments

  1. OMG! This article was a god-send. I’ve been in the midst of a realization, that I indeed have some serious “Mommy Issues”. I have been putting my mother on a pedestal for years. She has proven to be manipulative, childish, and selfish so much that everyone has openly acknowledged it, but not to her face. I’ve recently admitted that her behavior is affecting my ability to tolerate her, outside of just being cordial and she disowned me. I’m fine, because I’ve realized that at having me at age 15, she failed to mature beyond that point. However she now harrasses me on Facebook. I pray everyone finds the cause of their relationship barriers, because its no joke. I’ve been a better wife, mother, and friend, since I have identified that one issue.

  2. I have had mommy-daughter issues all my life. My mom was particularly harsh with hitting me as a punishment. I never got over this mainly because she has never apologized for striking me for what is now trivial things. I had a lot of pent-up anger which I violently took out on my little sister and cousins.

    I’m getting over it now that I admitted the problem after seeking counseling for my issues.

    Thanks for this small but timely article.

  3. I don’t have mommy issues but I can see how I could have had them in my pre-teens. I was a mess in-a-half and no one could tell me anything especially my Mama. I’m glad I grew out of that stage and became best friends with my mother. Good luck to all that have this issue.

  4. This is my first time commenting on this site…and this post really hit home. I have mommy issues and so do a good number of the girls I know. It’s extremely unfortunate to not to have a mom to comfort you through the hard times or let you know what it means to be a woman. I’ve had to learn so many things on my own because she just wasn’t there for me, or was too afraid to be there for me — and that whole aspect of it is really painful.

    I will say that my mom absolutely influenced my creative side and I’m super grateful for that. But at the same time, I also inherited her anxiety over…pretty much anything having to do with everyday life (and this is not an exaggeration, I promise). It sucks but, luckily, I have the insight to know I need working on.

  5. Ok so I feel better that I’m not the only one. Seriously, my mother and I only speak on a cordial level and thats only in the last few months. I’m working through quite a bit from prayer and people wiser than me who understand. It’s helped but there are some issues that I’m working on especially since I’m a parent and I see them come up in how I interact with my own kids. My husband is a huge help also because he has the same issues but on a different level if that makes sense. Sometimes I think both are mothers are long lost twins or something.

  6. I have alot of mommy issues stemming from the fact of my mother’s complete denial that when we were kids my brotherused to touch me. It still pains me actually very much so. The moment I can move out I believe it would be in my best interest to cut the relationship.

  7. @PG…I’m sorry for your pain. Please locate your local resources to seek professional counseling.

    My mom was/is an alcoholic in denial. She dated a married man for over 10 years and when he dumped her because she gained weight, she just started sleeping with any and everyone. She would drink and drive and put the lives of me and my sister @ serious risk. When I confront her, she tells me that she could have sold me into child prostitution. That I should be thankful she was only a drunk hussy. Now that I am an adult, I realize that things could have been a lot worse and that I’m spending a lifetime trying to correct the many wrongs in my life. It is not easy. My main goal now is to forgive her before she dies. I understand how hard life is for a single mother who has no direction. I totally get it. But another side of me says that she could have done better. So everyday I battle with that side that tells me to not to give a chit.

  8. I also have mommy issues

    She was never at home she would rather spend her time at a bar with her friends then home
    She drank at night to “help her sleep” but she just didn’t want to deal with the reality that
    Had kids to take care of and she wante to be free to have no attachments,
    we have a huge family issue And she just ignored it its all forgotten I have confronted her about how I feel
    She would Chang the subject she is really good at avoiding anything she doesn’t want to explain I have stopped talking to her several times she and she asks why I have, I yell jer and it goes back to not talking for a month or 2
    I understand freedom

  9. My poor relationship with my mom certainly shaped a lot of my behaviors throughout high school. I am the baby of three, youngest of two other golden children. I was sort of given up on and left to do whatever. My mother rarely supported my work, or had a very strange approach to it (she was over-mommed by a 60s housewife and perhaps tried to take a more hands-off approach to my upbringing…) so I often felt like the odd ball out.

    I have taken the lack of support and indifference from her and, just because of luck, been able to turn it around into self empowerment. I have been able to forgive her and learn from her. It’s a continuous process, however, and is probably greatly helped because of opportunities I’ve had. The most helpful, I assume, is living 3,000 miles away… Which I threatened to do as a child, and moved at 17… I think that scared her a bit and served as a helpful token to our relationship. Who knows.

    Anyways, her lack of affection shows in the way that I lack affection for those around me. I don’t really know how to show affection naturally or comfortably… though this may also be because of past heart break.

  10. I too have mother issues though it wasn’t till this year that I realized it. It effects me like this, I’m very career driven I strive to be better than she ever could ( though I never tried in high school) I have a 3.0 in college yet I still want it to be better. Though I feel this is great considering in high school it was amazing if I got a 2.0. My major is secondary theatre edu. I’ve always wanted to help people in some way or another.
    My relationship life sucks. I have sever trust issues, though, not every man I’ve been with was a liar. I have severe depression issues. And it tends to increase during the switch from warm weather into cold. But only then I’m fine when there beautiful snow on the ground.
    Growing up I couldn’t tell my mother anything. She always thought I was lying even if I wasn’t (& most of the time I wasn’t) she took my older brothers side over mine every time even if I did nothing wrong and the I would get whipped ( I believe its because he was the only wanted child out of us 3) I used to have anger problems like my mom but I realized it and worked on it till I was very–not angry. Though I did smoke a whole bunch of marijuana among other things that i think helped with this. But my mother was never really a woman of encouragement, empathy, kindness. You could say her past though she had moved on still lived with her. She’s a cold hearted angry lady. And an alcoholic since we were young we knew it was time to lock ourselves in our rooms when she drank. Because otherwise who ever was around she would pick a fight with us. It could be verbal or she would have a knock down drag out fight with us. My mother should never of had kids.
    In result all three of us our psychy is screwed up.
    I was surprised to read that a love for arts was part of this. Because I have been doing theatre among other things for about 10 1/2 years straight. There is more to my story but there’s no point in talking about it.
    For the purpose though I am female in college and I’m 21 years old.

  11. My mother has generally been missing from my life for six years, and I am currently 18. When I had -JUST- turned 12, basically 11, I had to move with my dad because my mother was having depression issues and she tried to commit suicide twice. I was still physically developing, and a month after I moved with my dad, I got my period for the first time. And then I had to deal with getting bras. It was alot worse than it sounds, because what 12 year old girl wants to go to their father or step-mother about pads and bras? I didn’t even get a proper bra until I was a sophomore in high school, the same goes for the pads. I feel I missed out on so much because my mom wasn’t around for these big developments of my life, and I’m not even sure if these count as “mommy issues.” I also have a love for the arts, but I don’t know if that was just an example of what results from having mother issues or if it -IS- what results. I do think my mom’s absence has affected me in the way that I socialize with people. I can go months without talking to people, and I won’t miss them, and sometimes I avoid calls all-together.

    Sorry, just felt the need to vent!

  12. I have mother issues for sure, ever since she just one day turned around and was a completely different person whom ultimately left us for a man, it kills me everyday and still to this day. I think more so because I know her full potential and how good of a mother she was, she is an alcoholic and still has no idea what she has done to us. I know she is my mother but it is so hard to even talk to her or see her now, just brings up so much emotions and I really don’t like women, I try my hardest to be nice and do get along well with the right company but if I see a trait my mother has then no way will I be her friend…is there any techniques you guys could help me with?

  13. I’m 19 and have had mommy issues since I was 10, which is when I actually realized I no longer loved her. She’s a hardcore Christian and extremely restrictive, including not letting me like or do things because she doesn’t like or do them, and not allowing me to make mistakes during adolescence because I was somehow supposed to learn from hers. Whenever I open up to her about anything, it’s never received well and because of that I’ve become quite secretive. She prefers my older sister, because even though she’s a little secretive too, she constantly needs my mother’s approval.

    Because of my mom, I’m now too afraid to do normal things people my age do, like getting into relationships. I was never allowed to date when I was younger, but even though I am now, she still has restrictions. For example, she refuses to let me date non-Christian men. Saying this, I’m too terrified to actually tell her that I’m no longer Christian, and haven’t been for 3 years.

    I also don’t want any children of my own. I believe I could be a better mother than her, but I just don’t want to do it. I’ve been a babysitter and even have a younger (7 month) old sister to take care of, and they haven’t turned me off raising children. I believe she’s the one that ruined that for me.

  14. Seriously, It sounds to me that many of you have found someone to blame for essentially everything in your lives. Grow up and take some responsibility for your own behaviors and issues. I would love to hear the mother’s side to many of these stories. Her perspective may be quite different. I have a sister who blames her mother for every failing in her life. It is and always was clear to me that the issues where my sisters for the most part. I guess we all need someone to blame for our failings.

  15. From the time I entered 6th grade all the way through high school my mother and I has many different problems. She was particularly harsh when it came to how I kept my room. Every now and then she would go in my room while i was away and clean it out for me, throwing away things that seemed unnecessary. One instance I distinctly remember: she was upset with me and threw out many different toys that I had that were important to me at the time. As I got older she distanced herself from me more and more. Having friends stay over was a very rare occasion, and when it did occur we had to walk on eggshells for fear of her yelling at us. She didn’t care about how I did in school, and had even less interest in my personal life. I felt as if I was on my own for most of my childhood. Now that I’m on my own, I have realized that the relationship I had with her has shaped my behavior in many ways. I’m still quite reckless sometimes, because who cares about what I do anyways? I lack much of the confidence that I should have, because I felt like I wasn’t even good enough for her to communicate with me. I feel like everyone who enters my life will eventually grow tired of my presence, and not care whether or not I am a part of their life or not. Now that we have been living separately for some time she still barely talks to me, but acts like we are close. I believe she is jealous of the relationship I have with my father. He has always been a hands on, caring father, even when he was absent. Luckily I had him, or else I might have completely lost my sense of self-appreciation.

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