Even though the media bombards us with the very real fact that we are an increasingly overweight society, talking about weight can still be a very sensitive issue for most people. On last night’s episode of Braxton Family Values the Braxton sisters were in engaging in an honesty session with their therapist, when the time came for Toni to be honest with her sisters about how she feels towards each of them, Toni decided to tell her sister Traci that she wanted her to lose 20 pounds immediately and get rid of her tummy. Already feeling like an outsider, Traci understandably went into a rage, I mean who wants to hear they’re fat…and on national television at that.
A recent Jezebel article over the holiday season suggested that telling a loved one they need to drop a few pounds might not be such a bad idea:
“Suggesting to someone that they should consider losing a few pounds may not be a comfortable conversation to have. But if someone close to you has a large waistline then as long as you do it sensitively, discussing it with them now could help them avoid critical health risks later down the line and could even save their life.”
Now I agree that for health reasons you should encourage your loved one to get fit no matter how uncomfortable the topic may be, but the key word in that quote above that was missing from Toni’s request was the sensitivity part. To tell her on national television that she was fat, especially when that had nothing to do with your relationship as sisters, was seriously an insensitive thing to do. Weight is a touchy topic even for those considered to be in great shape, and if you asked most people they would tell you they wouldn’t touch the subject with a ten foot pole. How do you even begin to nicely tell someone you love and are close to something so potentially hurtful? Is there ever a right or wrong time and place to discuss something so touchy?
Do you think it’s okay to tell a loved one it’s time to drop a few pounds?
Telling a family member, “You are not healthy.” is not the same as saying, “It’s not cute.”
I think that we have a responsibility to hold those we love accountable for their actions… and if you need to lose weight, it is my responsibility to let you know.
However, I repeat. being concerned for one’s health is not the same as some shallow reason such as, “you have a belly, you have not always had that…you’ve let yourself go, and it’s not cute.” It’s all in the delivery. Those that need to lose weight already know so, so we must be truthful and speak to them in love, not hurt.
Esp coming from soneone who has had extensive plastic surgury, it’s not like they au natural and kept themselves together the old fashioned way. I never cared for Toni Braxton personality wise from what I have seen over the years.
I felt Dr. Sheri should have brought in that point a bit better rather than saying we’re being honest and everybody got mad a Traci because she was offended, but it’s a little different to tell your sister it’s time to move out, something that impacts you, or tell your sister treat me like a sister not a part of your entourage, something that impacts you vs telling your sister she’s gotten too big, it ain’t cute and then tried to clean it up with the you have a cute face line.
I personally am thinking on who I can ask to keep me accountable if I begin gaining weight back that I’ve lost. Because I don’t have a desire to put it back on, but at the same time I’ve always been a big girl so I could do so easily without noticing initially. I hate when people compliment me when losing but then silence as I gain it all back no keep me accountable, Be sensitive as others have said and don’t make it about you and your disdain for fat, but please do let me know because this stuff is not easy to lose LOL!
@DB: Sorry this posted in the wrong place, but I do agree with what Kelli said here as well.
@Keli: Thank you! That was my point…Toni said it in a mean way…what if her sister talked about Toni’s nose jobs and breast implants? It was just mean and could have been expressed in a better way.
@Keli: You said the magic terms: those who need to lose weight already know it. They (we) do NOT need nor want family, friends, nor foes to tells us anything.
If that weitght begins to negatively effect out health, our Dr. will address it.
i think its ok to tell a family to lose weight but its how u tell them. not i need u to lose 20-40 lbs. nooo i thought that was actually pretty rude… and it was the wrong timing cause what does her weight have to do with there relationship
The way Toni said it did not come off as a concern. It came off as the rest of us kept ourselves up and you didn’t.
It is never Ok to tell a family member they need to lose weight partly because you wouldn’t want to hear that yourself. It’s shallow and absolutely rude if you are not informed about your family member’s health. You tell them and then what? Are you going to personally help them lose weight? It sucks that Toni Braxton would say that but it doesn’t surprise me, especially since her personality on the show is dismissive, aloof, and borderline rude
@JuJu: It’s fine to tell a family member that they’re fat. If you can’t be honest with family, who can you be honest with? If I get fat I want someone to tell me before it gets out of control.
Why are fat people so offended at being told that they are fat? Take responsibility for your body and realize that people will be disgusted at seeing an obese person waddling and breathing heavy all over the place. Obesity is disgusting.
@Paula: Once a person is an adult, we are responsible for ourselves. As responsible adults, we can access medical care on an ongoing basis That medical professional can advise us and assist us in losing weight if need be.
Not all overweight people are unhealthy. Excess weight in the midsection indicates potential heart problems. A medical professional knows that.
No one can hurt a person like a family member and they are not usually sensitive to our situations or feelings.
Someone said, if family can’t tell you, who can?” Really? my doctor can.
Family seems to feel justified to appoint themselves as the food police. They can act as though a person shouldn’t eat…anything! That guilt will only lead to secret eating and more weight gain.
People should mind their business. Some of you may disagree and that’s OK. However,MY family better keep it moving and shut their mouths and say a silent prayer. i am defensive and protective of my feelings. No one else seems to be.
And by the way, Traci is NOT fat. She is larger than her siblings (who are super thin) Toni may be a size zero. And Toni has had the assistance of a plastic surgeon! Traci is about an eight or ten. She is also taller. That is normal.As a matter of fact, all of her sisters have been “seen:.I believe the mother has as well.
I didn’t see that part of the show, so I don’t know the context. What I have seen in the show is a lot of complaining on Traci’s part about feeling left out and about not being a part of a record deal after she got pregnant. I think what’s needed is to take responsibility for our role in our lives, whether or not the consequences we’re in are perfect. That’s a difference I see in her and some of the other sisters, while she’s blaming others are looking for what they can “do” differently to better their situation and focusing on that solely. If Traci is going to stew and hold grudges about not being given a job by her sister, than I feel she should not ask her sister to do something for her she wouldn’t do for someone else- sacrifice the vision of what she, as the employer, wants in her brand image dancing behind her every night. She might not have wanted a pregnant girl and she might not want a permanent plump girl now- if that’s not her brand, that’s her right to require it. My thing is, if you want to be on the train, buy the ticket- don’t stay where you are and gripe about somebody not giving you a free ride.
Like I said, I didn’t see the show- but this concept applies to all of life. Many of need less woe is me in our personality and more, “wow, how can I step up my game to make this thing work for me?” Losing weight is hard, I get it. But, that’s not Toni or any of the other girls problems. What I want to see from Traci is less anger towards her sisters about her own life. Her life is her life and she has choices that are independent of the ones that they make. These are the only ones I currently see as holding her back from what she wants.
What happened with Traci is she got pregnant and was put out of the group. Then, Trina got pregnant, but was not put out. In fact, Trina got pregnant twice. Traci is resentful of the double standard.
So, it’s a little more than Traci whining and complaining and not taking responsibility for her life. It’s that Traci has been treated differently than her sisters.
IMO, she is hurt on several levels.
It’s all in how you say it and the reasons you say it. Nearly every Thanksgiving someone in my family has something to say about another putting on weight. (That alone always starts the mood off wrong) I will say nobody has ever said you need to lose x pounds. But in telling someone they put on weight, its basically insinuated. If it is a noticeable thing that the person’s health is hanging on by a thread then you can say something along the lines of “I’m worried about your health and well being.” To flat out say you need to lose 20 pounds was quite rude, family or not.
I believe it’s not what you say but how you say it. Personally if I was overweight I would prefer a family member tell me. But that family member needs to put it to me just s he would like to receive it if the roles were reversed. You should always take the other persons feelings in to account when broaching sensitive subject as being overweight.
@Stacy: You think you would, but there are a lot of psychological reasons that cause people to become overweight. Attention to the outward often shines to the problem within.
I used to tell my friends to slap me around if I ever got fat or had fat fingers. So ignorant. If someone would have followed up on that… IDK IJS
Traci is fat and someone needed to call her out on it. Toni took that responsibility. I applaud Toni for telling it like it is. Toni suffers from heart troubles and lupus; to her it would seem stupid for a person to let something preventable (like obesity) ruin their health. After she loses the weight she may be able to do background for Toni.
Toni is a good woman and she did what any big sister would do to save a little sister’s health.
Did she address health I don’t remember that part?
Tamar IMO actually did what Tony should have by mentioning it to her (in a later episode) then taking her to work out. She was much more receptive to that.
At the end of the day it’s about loving a person enough to tell them the truth, but not to add your opinions in the mix, because it has nothing to do with you if you love me tell me what “I” need to hear so that “I” can make the change for “me” Who cares if you think my belly isn’t cute?!
Toni did that for her own selfish reasons which to me is pretty sick. How she looks should have no bearing on how you feel about a person. And honestly, telling someone they need to lose weight has more to do with your visual displeasure of them moreso your love and care for them. Because let’s be real, we ALL Know when we’ve gained weight. Someone pointing it out doesn’t make much of a difference.
Traci is out of shape and could lose some weight, but she’s not THAT big. 20-40 pounds? Really? She’s not at the point where her health is at risk. Really at this point its about vanity, and everything Toni said was all about how she looks. I understand that, but don’t make it seem like she’s obese.
With Toni’s lupus and heart disease, Trace is probably healthier than she is anyway.