The anus is narrow, delicate, tight, and fragile. It doesn’t self-lubricate, making the skin more susceptible to tearing than the vagina. And it is the perfect haven for the transmission of STDs into the bloodstream. Contrary to popular belief, there are rising numbers of heterosexual couples that are engaging in anal sex. But unfortunately, many of them are not as educated about the risks of unprotected anal sex, compared to their gay and bisexual male counterparts. As anal sex remains a popular stereotype as a gay or bisexual male activity, many heterosexual couples are fearful of having open conversations about engaging in the practice, as a result of social stigma and homophobia. But this silence is detrimental and dangerous for heterosexual couples, as anal sex is the riskiest sexual activity for the transmission of STDs, regardless of an individual’s sexual orientation.

While many heterosexual couples shun the idea of anal sex in public, it’s not all that different from vaginal sex apart from the physical design of the anus. Penetration is penetration, and pleasure comes in many ways. It’s just important that pleasure remains as safe as possible for all parties involved, and isn’t met with stereotypes and stigmas that are counterproductive for spreading sex education. Anal sex doesn’t have a sexual orientation, and it isn’t tied to certain gender roles. Thus, it’s important that any conversations surrounding anal sex education occur with these stereotypes at bay, and allow for various couples and individuals to receive this necessary information without feeling judged.

To start, the physical construct of the anus creates a perfect home for bacterial infections, including Gonorrhea and Chlamydia. Both thrive in moist, warm environments and amongst the cells that line the anus. The receiving partner is more likely to contract an STD through unprotected anal sex than the inserting partner, including the risk of HIV entering the bloodstream through a tear in the anus. However, both partners are susceptible to picking up Herpes, Syphilis, and HPV even if they use a condom, as both sores and warts can reside both inside and outside of the anus. Regardless, wearing a condom is the best way to reduce the risk of STD transmission during anal sex. And using plenty of lubricant helps prevent the tearing of the condom and lining of the anus.

It’s unfortunate that this vital information often doesn’t reach heterosexual couples, as they’re less likely to ask for this knowledge and sex educators are less likely to focus on it with this particular demographic. It’s argued that male homosexual couples participate in anal sex and thus, need anal sex education more. But truthfully, it’s less likely for heterosexual couples to admit to enjoying the same activity for a variety of social reasons, including religious dogma and the homophobic stigma of anal sex being a “gay” sexual activity.

Until anal sex loses its stereotypes and stigmas, it will continue to affect the lives of numerous sexually active people who haven’t been properly educated on how to enjoy it safely. While heterosexual couples should be proactive in seeking more information on how to participate in safe, pleasurable anal sex, sex educators should also be avid about distributing this information to all people, regardless of sexual orientation, in order to save lives.

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  1. Anal sex is always going to be a dangerous way to get some sexual healing but what I don’t understand is why a woman would like it? Men, understandably, get prostate stimulation, but it seems that for women, it’s more to please their man instead of something they want for themselves????

    • @Jordan: @Jordan: actually there is an arousal system in the anus for women. Because the muscles are tighter and, although you are relaxed to receive, those muscles contract etc.. just as the vagina. And YES as Jaye stated the orgasm is VERY intense. The anal and vaginal muscles are some what connected. I am not that experienced, but tried a couple of times and the last (more relaxed) was a vey good experience.

    • @Jordan:
      Jordan, you talk too much shit don’t you?
      You do realize that it’s more risky for a man to receive anal than the woman right? Because of the prostate no less.
      It’s an internal organ that can easily be damaged, and very few man try it, let alone get pleasure from it (which also only few do), on the other hand, women are more senstive on the anus and let’s not forget the fact that the vagina and anus walls are connected which results in an even more intense orgasm, so keep your pointless invalid remarks to yourself.

      • It’s exactly the same organ in a male as a female. There’s no pleasure centers to it. I’ve had it and I hated it. I felt disgusting afterwards, even though I was in a calm relaxed environment.

        • I agree it is disgusting. the world has gone mad to think screwing the anus is awesome. i’m not homophobic and not religious. it’s just GUYS! your SHIT COMES OUT OF THERE! who wants to get that close to shit?? it’s a crazy world. poop?? shit?? why?

  2. Jordan, women get pleasure from anal sex. As a matter of fact some of the most intense orgasms can be had by women from anal sex.

  3. I am a woman that engages in anal sex with my husband during the times we have been unable to have vaginal sex. For example, after our children were born during my maternity period. Anal sex is pleasurable for a woman. There is vaginal stimulation during anal penetration. The key is for your partner to be patient during entering and intercourse as well as generous lubrication to allow proper pleasuring to both involved. I believe the social stigma has clouded our minds and the idea that this act could be satisfying to us as well as our mates. I say open your mind and RELAX for an enjoyable experience.

    • Speak for yourself mrs L ? a woman body is not design for her boyfriend or husband to ejulate into the anaun. That is why so many people have STD because they don’t educated themselves about different sexual positions that can give thems diseases if it unprotected.

      • Your a stupid motherfucker and women like you are why Black women are in shambles today. You have ZERO sex life. You have ZERO men after you. Instead of trying to improve either you just troll women who DO have at least ONE of those. Step your game up lose some weight and stop hating.

  4. Appreciate the different point of view, but the anus is an exit, not an entrance in my world. Non negotiable, period!

    • @Bunni: Thank you. I agree. =)

    • @Bunni: That’s so closed minded. All sex is great, but I respect your decision. I wonder you feel about your mouth or oral sex.

      • @Bunni: @Erika: What makes her closed minded? The fact that she knows herself and what she is comfortable doing? If you respected her choice to do what she wanted you would not have called her closed minded. Seriously it’s always the people that are “open minded” that are the most judgmental and intolerant

        • @LemonNLime: Bunni says she will not engage because of some weird analogy. It SEEMS like she is closed minded which is why I asked her about oral sex. People would say only things should go in our mouths and not out but regurgitation happens involuntarily and voluntarily. Granted it may not feel good to do that but it happens honey. But back to anal sex, it is just another way to get off and I’m sure EVERYONE of us have our quirks in the bedroom so your right it’s about knowing one’s own body and I love it during certain times of the month

          • Bunni is not closed-minded, she simply has her preference and anal sex isn’t one of them. If/when an article is written about oral sex, I might be inclined to respond to your inquiries.

        • I agree! @ LemonNLime

    • I agree with you on that Bunny@Bunni:

    • I agree with you bunni!!!

  5. Anal sex is tricky. I think that, and this goes for most taboo sexual acts, people will go about performing it in an unsafe way mainly because of the lack of educated and loving discourse on the subject. We need to find a happy medium so that we can open up to this pleasurable act …

  6. Anal sex is a sure way of telling if your man has the status of “DL” as his orientation. If he is all too anxious to poke you in the dukey shoot, then he has prolly dropped off in a couple of brothas! I am with bunni, that is an EXIT! If it was meant to be enjoyed, the anus would be self lubricating and the skin would have more elasticity, also there wouldnt be so much shame associated with the act. No one is your bedroom so why should you feel embarrassed about using protection? The answer to that one is your man is pretending he is banging out his fav sissy while he pounding on you! Most of them do not use protection because they would have to admit to themselves that they are preparing to have sex with another man. If you wanna know if what I am saying is true, watch your douches…if one of them just happens to go missing, or he replaces one of them with one that doesnt match the other three, then yo man is an undercover sissy!

  7. I’m a firm believer in an ass is an ass, if a man will do a woman in the shit box, he damn sure will have no problems doing another man in his….and there is no sanitary way to do someone in the ass, playing with someone Feces is as nasty as it gets, and how herpes is bred…To. all those woman that indulge, don’t say shit when u find out ya man on the DL..Stand for something or fall for anything….an abomination …smdh

  8. and to think, God made the Vagina adequate enough, who would of thought, man/woman would have said the ass is just as good….

  9. @jellybean you sound like an uneducated idiot. Anal Sex is taboo just as giving or receiving oral sex used tp be taboo. I would have to agree that Anal seex done the right way and with the right person is extremely pleasurable. Please don’t knock it until you have tried. The orgasm that can be acheived by anal & clitoris stimulation at the same time os AMAZING!

  10. What? Are some of you people in elementary school? “Dukey shoot” and “the anus is an exit, not an entrance”? Have any of these folks ever opened up their front door? Do they really not realize that this door can also be used to enter AND exit the house? Are they so uninformed that they managed to arrive at adulthood without realizing that vaginas serve more than one purpose, too?

    Look, if you don’t want to have anal sex, that’s fine. I don’t. However, does that mean you have to behave as if everyone who does things that you don’t are in some way deviant or secretly *gasp* TEH GAYZ?

    If you want to say that noses aren’t really designed for sex, you can make a pretty good argument. I have yet to see nostrils that can open up wide enough to accommodate even the smallest of penises. If you want to say that eyes are not meant to be penetrated, you can make an even better argument. A tear duct is an excellent example of an orifice that is strictly designed for exits. But anuses are entirely different. If your anus is so small that it can’t accommodate a penis, then I hope you have a colostomy bag or have switched to an all clear liquids diet, because you’re going to have problems even making it work as an exit for your “dukey”.

    These ignorant attitudes play a huge role in why we see such the horrible STI statistics for women, especially women of color. we need to face it. More young people are engaging in anal sex than what some of you prudes would like to believe. Saying “Ugh! That’s nasty!” is just as effective in convincing people not to do it as those “Just say no!” campaigns were for those who wanted to discourage kids from trying marijuana.

    Teaching people the safest ways to go about doing something isn’t going to make them run out and do it. When humans have been doing something for thousands of years, it’s a safe bet that telling them “Just don’t!” isn’t going to put a stop to it. In situations like that, harm reduction should be our goal.

  11. I am all for anal sex. My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for over three years and we are finding new ways to spice up our sex life. Believe me vaginal sex can get a little old at times. Just because a man wants anal sex does not make him gay. Thats a stereotype and the women who believe it sex life sucks and cant please their man. We have found new positions to have sex and I have explore multiple orgasms from anal sex that I never even knew exist. So be a little openminded and be daring!

  12. i know women that have had or do have multiple orgasms from anal sex and it is very pleasurable for a man that is engaged in it with his women, now all that man on man shit i don’t know shit about and i surely aint trying too find out

  13. Nope. Not for me. Sorry. Sounds like more pain than gain – and feces is as filthy as you can get. Anal sex is absolutely one of the riskiest forms of sex, and this is why I firmly believe in getting tested with someone before sex (you never know what kind of sex someone has engaged in). Do I think a man who wants to do it is secretly gay? Not really.

    • @B: Yes, more pain than gain. I’ve had men AND women try to convince me that I should have anal sex. I wrote a post about a guy I know and his complete anal obsession. Whatever floats your boat, you know. But, I’ve tried it. It’s just not for me. It’s my freaking ass for crying out loud–let me put something in your ass. In fact, I don’t want to do that either. I hardly even want a finger in my ass, though I did enjoy it once when I was menstruating.

      It’s not about being open-minded and daring for me. That’s what having sex in public places or in a swing is for. Vaginal sex cant get old as far as I’m concerned.

      There is nothing filthier than shit, like B said. And to the commentor somewhere below who mentioned urine coming from the uretha being in contact with the vagina–urine is usually sterile. Shit is never sterile. Also, the vagina is an acidic environment, normally. This is a defense mechanism. Men, and the women partners who participate (voluntarily or forced) in anal sex, will pass the penis and/or fingers and/or mouth even, from anus to vagina. OH MY do they know how unsanitary that is? Furthermore, do they know that the asshole doesn’t stay the same. In the clinic, many times, we can differentiate women who engage in regular anal sex. Your “secret” isn’t safe! LOL Ever heard of anal leaking/incontinence?

      This is a great article. I always ask women specifically about anal sex when I’m doing a history and beg of other practitioners to do the same. I don’t find that there is shame with the patients, they just don’t mention it–maybe more so there is shame with the health care provider that goes along with the overall discomfort in taking a sexual history.

    • I totally agree!!!!! with you B. both men and women are just nasty!!!!!!! when they engaged in anal sex. your anuam is not clean enough to do that!!!!!! that why we have so many case of AIDS and other diseases.

  14. Anal is just NOT for me. Yes, I’ve tried a few times, it just does nothing for me. The stretching hurt, worrying abt pooping on my partner, and then the pain and feeling like stuff if going to slide out my back door….just not a good look for me. Call me closed minded, but as sexually liberated as I am, I dont feel like trying to make that work. My boo is more than happy with oral and vaginal. I guess it works for some.

  15. Lets be clear, just because you have anal sex, ladies does not mean that this how you will keep your man. there are plenty of woman who do all kinds of stunts for their man in the bed and he still ends up leaving them. The chance that you will get cheated on is still great, and one man told me that if a woman were to even suggest it. He would see it as her disrespecting herself, because the act itself is disrespectful, for a man to do that to a woman, sodomize her….There are other ways to keep your man satisfied, w/o high probability of an std being transmitted, because the herpes is bred in feces..doesn’t mean the person had it to begin with..

  16. Herpes is not “bred in feces”. If you get herpes, you got it from someone who had it. Non-infected people don’t just have the herpes virus hanging around in their poop. And, j, maybe you should re-read the history of the term sodomy. It doesn’t just refer to anal sex.

  17. To bint why does everyone try to sound educated..I was referring to anal sex, which is also sodomy. So I don’t need to reveiw any history..and all STD’s are created from don’t always have to just have it two people can create it….if they are unsanitary..after all where did the first STD originate? From two unsanitary people…looks like u need to hit the books!!!

  18. Why is all this pressure on women to be “open minded”? Where is everyone yelling that men need to be “open minded” and take it up the butt? Yall wouldnt call them close minded but i guess that is bc it is the womans role to be a porn star in bed and just accept anything.

    Just bc you see your anus as an exit rather than an entrance (and PLEASE don’t use a door as a example doors have hinges that allow for traffic both ways while your anus has muscles that need to be overcome in order make it possibly work) doesn’t make you close minded. Not accepting people’s choices while talking down to try and make them feel like there is something wrong with them while making your way seem better IS close minded.

  19. Look…
    Some of you act like anal sex is a gateway drug to homosexuality or some shit. What the fuck? If a guy wants to do anal, or his girl asks for anal, doesn’t mean he’s gonna suddenly be attracted to men. I like oral sex, does that mean I want a man to do it? No. If you like and love women, the activity has nothing to do with it, giving or receiving.

    Secondly, just don’t do anything that you don’t want to honestly do. But don’t sit here and not try something for the simple fact that someone else told you you aren’t supposed to do it, and you’re just parroting whatever other people say. if you try it, and it’s not for you, keep it movin. But let’s not sit here gettin all scared of everything like it’s gonna create the downfall of humanity or some shit lol

    • I disagree!!!!!! with you j. so tell me why do so many men and women have STDS and AIDS from anal sex and other high risk sex act? j you need a sex education class for real. I took a sex education class in college and I learn a lot about protecting myself from STDS.

  20. BTw I’m “J”, not to be confused with ‘j” lol

  21. Sex is sweetable do it with opposite sex not with disame sex.

  22. I think alot of you here are so uneducated with your posts. HERPES COMES FROM FECES? Wait.. what? Who told you that? Your ignorant grandfather? LOL.
    Terrible, please do be more informed before you make such ridiculous comments for everyone to read, trust me as soon as you make such foolish comments, any statements you make are disregarded as foolish.
    I think to each his/her own, and you can like and not like certain things, that’s fine… Not everyone has to love anal sex and not everyone has to hate it, people are neither right nor wrong in what they prefer… However, when you say the reason you don’t like it is because “it gives you herpes” or makes “your boyfriend gay on the DL” then that’s absolutely idiotic, and please refrain from pollulting the internet (and this article) with your ignorance.

    If you are going to like or dislike something, then give a valid reason, and not a myth or hearsay to do so.

    I loved the person who gave the oral sex analogy, just because a man likes oral sex, doesn’t mean he wants to get it done by a man. In the same way, just because a man enjoys giving anal (or getting it: p-spot) doesnt mean he wants another male involved.

    And to the silly people who say, anus is made for exit of feces, the vagina is in contact with urine when it exits the urethra which is none other than *gasp* connected to the vagina… So it is also used to exit things… and what about the mouth? Used for ingestion only? So what exactly is your point? It is founded on nonesense, and therefore invalid.

    • I agree with you F. theses people comments are ingorant because nobody is talking to their sexual partners about what they like and don’t like. it starts with commucation first.

    • To F: The vagina is designed by GOD to recieve and to exit ….The anus was designed by GOD to exit feces ONLY. So that is not nonesense and is very valid. The mouth is designed for alot of purposes…what you decided to do with it is up to you, Just as long as GOD approves! Remember every actions has a concequence, so be careful what you do!

  23. I have never been able to enjoy anal sex. The first few times were horrible and painful because he didn’t know what he was doing, and it turned me off forever and I have flashbacks every time he attempts it. Not only that, but I just can’t get comfortable with it because it makes me feel violated. I simply don’t like anything going into my anus.

    • @Len:

      “Not only that, but I just can’t get comfortable with it because it makes me feel violated. I simply don’t like anything going into my anus.”

      yes. girl, make him stop. you have to explicitly tell him else he will continue to try…forever.

  24. To me anal sex is totally immoral
    use a tool for its invented purpose

  25. The anus is not made for penetration. Which is why your more likely to get an STD. Not to mention the possibility of getting manure everywhere. This is a great article to inform others on the danger. But I think we should address our uncontrollable sexual desires which seems to come from our sex crazed social environment. Sex is promoted everywhere and as human beings we began to endulge ourselves in these sexual behaviors that leads to STD, rape and, many other sexual issues in our society. I believe we know anal sex is not a natural thing. I also believe we ignore that its not natural and like drug addicts people become sex addicts and do things to satisfy the unnatural sexual acts.

  26. Yes It might be pleasurable but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s supposed to be done…… I’ve heard taking drugs make you feel highs even better than sex….. Doesn’t mean I should go try it…. And I’m not really knocking anyone…. Jus saying it’s experimentations line these lead to so many STDs out there….stiff penis in dry ass with doo doo residue doesn’t make for anything but trouble… Bad mix maayne

  27. I was disappointed in this article for a lot of reasons. Anal sex is the “riskist kind of sex there is”? Really? This seems kind of nutty to me. A penis with a STD is going to leave that STD wherever it lands, especially if fluids come out of it, so what is riskier about the anus? This piece just did not really convey any useful information. But I astonished at some of the reactions to it. “A one-way hole!!?? I mean, what a standard to employ to determine how you are going to have sex! Stuff comes out of a vagina – should we stop having vaginal sex? Stuff goes into a mouth – does that mean people should be forced to perform oral sex? The whopper was that if a man wants anal sex from a woman, the woman should take that as a warning that the man is “on the down low.” Certainly there would be instances where that would be true, but that just seems like an utterly fantastic generalization to me. Granted we are all free to have sex as we please as long as it is consensual so I am not criticizing anyone who’s posted opinions counter to mine. Uh – “different strokes” for different folks is what I mean, I guess? More sex education (not more near-meaningless pieces like this one) is needed because the posts sure reveal some astonishing fallacies and misperceptions that are apparently very widespread.

  28. The stigmatism of Anal sex comes from lack of education and ignorance.But, when it comes to Sex, whatever pleases you and your partner, as long as both are consenting, everything is fair game. With discretion and respect towards the other persons wishes to STOP when it gets started. It is not an act that will occur the first time it is initiated. Upon reading, there are 2000 more erogenous zones in the anal canal than in the vagina. The PROBLEM that many couples experience a taboo and “hell no” attitude is that the lack of knowledge on how to perform anal sex gently, comfortably and correctly. Firts of all, just lubing up the anus and ramming it home is definitely a NO-NO. Don’t be such a prude numb-nuts. The anus is a muscle, it has to be exercised, streched and accomodating to the girth of your partners penis. How? The best way is the five-finger method. That’s why a man has five fingers duh!! While performing cunnilingus you introduce your pinky finger and gently move it north, south, east,west. If you eat pussy real good, her undulations while move in those directions. The order is ; pinky, index,ring, middle then thumb. The base of each previous finger is equal to the tip of the next. It will not occur in the same night going from pinky to thumb. The base of the thumb is usually equall to the tip of the penis. After your third procedural finger session, get to the thumb. The insertion and penetration is slow with breathing pauses, and even a pushing out as if taking a bowel movement streches the sphincter. Once you have passed the anal sphincter , there is an interior secondary ring, that would feel like a new hymen. With additional touching and caressing of your womans erotic areas, passage can be gained and slow penetrating strokes will help both achieve great orgasms. The only other solution is to buy allum and make that pussy tighter because that is why men want the back door. THE TIGHT FIT. All that undercover booty male bandit bullshit. its’ just that; BULLSHIT. TIGHT FIT> The End

  29. I am a healthcare practitioner. It is an abreviation from nature to have sex in the anus. That was not the purpose intened for it. I have had many patients suffer repercussions from this type of sexual activity. The mouth was notmade for the genitals either. Nor was animals made for human sex either. Observe why a thing was made and it will have more longevity. Just because something feels pleasurable does not mean it is edifying for the body or the soul.

  30. Exploring the anal area is very pleasurable. I actually love it because I have an orgasm really quick when I am stimulated there. If I’m in any sexual position or while oral sex is being performed when I’m being fingered there (simultaneously) my orgasmic experience is taken to entire different level. Maybe it isn’t natural or maybe it is; but even if women have NOT experienced just this part of it, I hope they will. In the past, I have gone all the way with anal sex. It hurt entirely too much so I would stop. However, it hasn’t detered me from desiring to experience anal sex completely. By experiencing finger stimulation, I’m convinced it’s going to feel exceptionally well to go all the way

  31. i tired anal once and i thought i took a shit ! it was a werid as feeling lol never again i did it . it doesnt feel right. but my ex was loving it. i think guys stick their dicks anywhere and get plessure no matter what they stick it in lol str8 up.

  32. People keep referencing God and Nature in this conversation. No where in the the Bible does it say “anus, exit only.” Human beings love to police the sexual activities of other and throw God’s name in the mist as a stamp of approval. I personally do not enjoy anal sex. I have become a believer in an exit only stance for my particular anus but I will high five the people who enjoy anal sex. Anal sex can be dangerous without protection. Some people find it thrilling. Just because you don’t want to do it does not make it wrong or immoral.

    Most importantly I felt compelled to write due to the misinformation abundant on this blog about STI. Herpes do not come from feces. Herpes is a VIRUS people, neither clean nor dirty. Herpes infecting the mouth we often refer to as a cold sore. Do you people believe the 50% of the US population who have cold sores got it from kissing feces?

    No sexual activity completely eliminates the possibility of an STI infection and most black women get HIV through vaginal intercourse so you guys can cut that out with that “anal sex is ruining the community” A lack of consistent condom use and judgemental behaviour is.

    Don’t take my word for it….please feel free to google the Centre for disease control and do not get facts on safe sex from people on blogs.


  33. I am-and have been for some time now-a member of the BDSM community. While I don’t normally disclose such things, in this particular situation, I find it quite pertinent to explain this as someone who dwells in a context which is decidedly outside the norm.

    Lest you think me closed minded, I have tried it. Uncomfortable is not the word for what happened for about a week afterward. Yes, he was gentle, condommed and lubed up, and it still didn’t do anything for me except teach me a lesson that I will never forget.

    Anal sex is something that some do, indeed, treat as a fetish-both inside the BDSM community and out. Is it acceptable? To those who practice it, sure. I have no more quarrel with them than I do with anyone else, but there is no denying that the lack of lubrication and high potential for anal damage, tearing and disfigurement is indicative that anal sex is definitely “off label” usage for most.

    But as someone who works in the healthcare field, I agree with averya and damidwif. There just isn’t enough evidence for me to justify that type of risk to my body and its future for anyone. I don’t care how good it feels.

    Everyone in the BDSM community knows the definition of the phrase “hard limits”. We abide by only doing to people what they want to have done to them. Just because it can be done, doesn’t mean it’s safe. I have seen ALL manner and types of fetishism, and I can say that there are many more things that I won’t do than things that I will. No matter how popular, how much fun, how liberally minded it is. Anal sex, like scatological play, is NOT safe. Most that I have met don’t like to use condoms during it, either…

    Though I certainly don’t knock anyone for enjoying their sexual pleasure, the risk they assume is something they should definitely learn more about before engaging in it. The medical blogs are literally afire with all the cases of anal leakage, perineal wall destruction and the like. I met one 24 year old who had NO walls at all. She literally could no longer feel anything sexual from having too much anal and rough vaginal sex. The extent of her damage was literally beyond normal repair., and surgeons who are actually able to do it are few and far in between.
    It’s quite expensive, and many insurances won’t cover it. They know it’s elective, and treat it as such.
    Even when it can be repaired, there is often quite a bit of sensational loss as a result of such heavy reconstructive work. Don’t believe me? Check out the link below for a description of what such procedures entail:

    Even in BDSM, this one is a hard limit for me. I won’t do anything that risky for a few fleeting seconds of pleasure with someone who will probably not remember anything about me when it’s time for me to pay the piper months or years later.

    Even though I like to play “rough”, I am looking for the same thing that many other women are looking for–partnership. But let’s just be real here; no one who is disrespectful of my sexual wishes has much relationship potential in the first place. Why should I even bother dealing with him in the first place? I have little to gain by giving that much of my body to anyone who has no intention of sticking around. I don’t think there is anything close minded about taking outright risky behavior off the table sexually. There are enough women out there who enjoy this for any man who wants anal sex to get it to where I absolutely do not feel bad in the slightest by refusing to give a man anal sex. Sure, all sex is risky, but since I manage my risk factors by not giving that away, either, it’s certainly less of an issue than it might be otherwise.

    It has been my experience that men will do or say anything to get what they want from a woman. Unfortunately, this includes but is certainly not limited to willful obfusciation about their care for me, their future plans or any health information which would prevent me from making a potentially harmful choice. I am by no means saying that everyone is looking for what I’m after.
    I’m just saying that many do not understand the risk they put themselves at by doing this.

    Just know the facts and decide for oneself…

  34. Wow, I came across this blog while searching for sites for Black vegans, as I am seriously considering becoming one. Let me say up front that I am Lesbian, which might lead one to question why would I even bother reading anything about heterosexual sex practices. Trust, it is something I truly am not interested in, and I knew that the blog would certainly be followed by the usual homo-obsessive and painful comments, yet I decided to take a peek; admittedly, I did not read all of the responses. I just wanted to add the perspective of a Black Lesbian who can be – dare- I admit this – a bit judgementtal. Yes, I am aflicted by the same disease that is one of the starting points of my own oppression. And it is THIS very affliction that lead me to read the blog and some of the responses. l wanted to challenge my own boxed thinking. Simply put, I think anal sex is gross. I think heterosexual sex is equally gross. This is because none of it is natural to who I am. Note, I did not say none of it is natural, rather it has no place in my personal world, although some Lesbians do enjoy an espouse engaging in anal sex. When i find myself moving into judgemental sex ideologies, I try to be mindful that as a Black woman, I should have a visceral understanding of our historical and global powerlessness in our sexual relations. When I start from this perview, it becomes increasingly dificult for me to be concerned about how another woman choses to express and explore her sexual identity and practices. Additionally, if I remain mindful of the many pregnant middle school girls who will be single Black mothers by the time they reach high school, then i know the value of education and choices. It really is impornt that as humans we learn the ways by which we tear each other down, kill each other, start wars because someone dared to have a preference unlike ours that does not even have anything to do with us! So anal sex Is not for you, good! So anal sex is for you, good! For me, the biggest issue is that Black women are educated and THEY make the decisions about how to sexually engage their bodies, spirit, and mind in meaningful and healthy ways. Now, that there is sexy!

  35. I would say people should do what’s right for them in the healthiest way possible and not feel pressured into doing something they don’t want to do or are not comfortable with to please others. A lot of people jump on the bandwagon so they can be perceived as open but always remember to do what’s right FOR YOU and let others know you’re sure it’s all they say it but it’s not something that necessarily floats your boat (if that’s the way you feel). Also, people snort cocaine, shoot heroin, smoke weed, drink (too much) alcohol, all of which may make one “feel good,” but that will NEVER make it good for you! The same applies here…

  36. Thought I’d give my two cents as a heterosexual lady who really, really enjoys anal sex:

    It’s certainly not for everybody. It’s not something that everybody has to try, or that everybody has to find sexy. (Live and let live, people!) It’s an activity that you need to be well-educated about before ‘diving in’ for reasons that are identified in the main article: the anus does not self-lubricate and the tissue is delicate and prone to tearing. It is also a very unusual sensation the first few times you try it, and your muscles will reflexively constrict when you start, so it’s important to go slow and get educated.

    So, a few rules of thumb: LOTS of lube, and LOTS of foreplay…any attempt at anal play if you aren’t already feeling turned on and relaxed is a recipe for disaster. Ease into it (start with fingers and small toys before working your way up to full-on anal sex.) Using a butt plug before trying to have anal sex can be a good way of introducing yourself to the sensation without also dealing with the movement. GO SLOW! There’s no reason to rush.

    To address a few ideas brought up by other commenters:

    The anus is not the dirty place people seem to think it is. It’s also not jam-packed with poop unless you’re just about to have a bowel movement. Anal douching is one way to ‘rinse’ things out before anal play if you’re super concerned, but a soapy finger in the shower should do the trick. Even without such measures, if you have a healthy diet, anal sex generally isn’t a ‘poopy’ experience, although santorum does happen from time to time. 😉

    If it hurts, you’re doing it wrong. Anal sex shouldn’t hurt, ever. Listen to your body. Relaxation + lubrication + education = pleasurable anal sex experiences.

    Never, ever, ever use condoms with spermicides. They can be extremely irritating to the rectum.

    Unless your partner has an STD, there is nothing harmful about semen in your butt. Of course, if you are not in a monogamous relationship with an STD-free partner, always use condoms.

    Anal sex can be extremely pleasurable….the anus itself is jam-packed with nerve endings, and a lot of people enjoy the feeling of ‘fullness’ that comes from being anally penetrated. It does take a little getting used to (like almost every other sexual activity…it’s a foreign experience when you first start to explore.)

    As far as the idea that men who enjoy anal sex with female partners ‘must be gay’….well. That’s ridiculous. Sexual gratification and sexual orientation are not the same thing; there are some gay men who do not enjoy anal sex, there are some women who do not enjoy vaginal penetration, there are some straight men who enjoy anal stimulation…none of these things dictate sexual orientation. It’s all a matter of personal preference.

    • Glad you enjoy it, but it sure sounds like a LOT of work. But if it’s worth the extra time, effort, and lubrication to “feel good” then by all means enjoy and do you, sis!! Must be quite a sexual high.

      • @DT: ha! it doesn’t FEEL like ‘work,’ but I can understand why it would read that way….
        It is definitely in a league of its own as far as sexual experiences are concerned. 😉

        • Be careful though because I’ve heard that from quite a few females. Unfortunately, they also have HIV. I was also told by a healthcare worker who attends to senior citizens that they can always tell who engaged in anal sex because those patients had huge circles in the anus due to the muscle being stretched. So, again, be careful folks and LUBRICATE, LUBRICATE, LUBRICATE per “BC” and it’s probably better to wear a condom, especially if you don’t know your partner well (and perhaps even if you think you do).

    • @BC: very informative

  37. Well, I feel like I got just as much of an education from reading the comments as I did reading the article. So many good points from the pro-anal, anti-anal and everyone in between!

    Quite frankly, anal sex doesn’t appeal to me simply because the thought of a penis going up there is scary to me. Maybe one day I will change my mind, but I doubt it! I’m glad for this article though and the intelligent debate that followed. I agree that men and women should decide on their own whether they should participate in anal sex, based on weighing the pros and cons for themselves, and knowing the risks that are involved, not because of dogmatic superstitions and homophobic prejudices.

    I think the most important thing about this article is that it has provided a forum for people to open up about their sexuality, preferences, fears, etc. This “hush hush don’t talk about it” mentality we as Black folks can have when it comes to sexuality and other issues such as mental health isn’t healthy. Kudos to Frugiviore and Clutch for continually posting these articles!

  38. TO EACH IS OWN!!!!!! I very much so enjoy anal sex… It takes me to a whole other place when done correctly! Although my man doesnt like to do it often, he does it because he knows it TURNS me own & takes ne there!!!

    • Well, if that’s what floats your boat, then do you. For those who’d prefer not to do it, then do what floats your boat. Just don’t let anyone force or convince you into doing something you’re just not with!

  39. Anal sex is a very pleasurable experience for women their partners (I don’t know about gay couples but i suppose it is). But it may have some bad sides too, like post said it is a STD heaven, and some bacteria and stuff from anus needs to stay there because if they move to vagina or mouth oh some s*it will happen in deed. But when you pass all those health risks you need to overcome some other problems one of them is pain. If your girl is in pain that is one good way to see that you are doing something wrong. Safety isues are one thing, but is your girl even willing to try, thats the other part of the story. The whole story about both sides can be read on this page so give it a try.

  40. If a woman has a right to her own body and her choices about it, why is everyone trying to wear women down about anal sex? If that’s there choice, then stop advertising it to them. And not all women experience pleasure int he smae places. Sorry. We’re not all cookie-cut blow up dolls.

  41. It depends….with that being said…I never want to have to use them before my time. Some things are just not worth it, no matter who gets off. I have a friend that has lost her elasticity in that area and she is no longer with that person…but her bottom is a mess. Healthy inside and out is my goal. I am glad she was woman enough to share the “whole” truth…”the plays on words are killing me…not even trying..ok ok ok,,serious face”. She was aying it was good but not worth the lasting pain. I will follow up with her about size because, that may also account for some of the damage I want people and women to try to stay as healthy, safe, and if u miss out on 2 seconds of pleasure but have several years without health problems in your back side..its the smart choice for me. Just me…don’t jump on me or my pg lingo…I have a goal to always be able to be share what I say or write with pride so I intentionally use simple terms. I love to see people having adult conversations..let’s agree to disagree on this one if ands or butts about it..” sorry I couldn’t resist, well almost, Butt I do..haaaa

  42. I will add that I have bern married 11 years and we just tried this recently. I enjoyed it very much and look forward to the next escapade.
    People reading this an making horrible judgement calls: this is a very personal decision. I have a man I trust with my life and my butt. It was the ultimate moment of intimacy because you are incredibly vulnerable and because of people still throwing stigma around, it wont leave your bedroom. It wasnt dirty, and holy cow, felt way, way better than I had imagined.

    It brought us so much closer with intimacy and actually helped me relinquish major fears.

    It is not a daily (or even weekly) occurence and kegels help strengthen everything back up.

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