Hide your genitals! Hide your tonsils! ‘Cause “The Clap” is trying to infect and live for life in everybody.  According to the Centers for Disease Control’s Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report, a new strain of gonorrhea is here in America and is resistant to cephalosporin–the antibiotic used to clear up the bacteria.

Gonorrhea, which is the most commonly caught STD in the world, has finally mutated and is unstoppable against human drugs.  This is like the Harlem Globetrotters all of a sudden being outdone by their whipping boys, the Washington Generals.  How are people supposed to make bad decisions about sex in the hook-up season of summer?

Over MSNBC, they received a quote from a researcher who is part of the Japanese-European team presenting data on the new strain of gonorrhea, H041, at the International Society for Sexually Transmitted Disease Research meeting in Quebec City, Canada.

“This is both an alarming and a predictable discovery,” said one of the project’s lead researchers, Dr. Magnus Unemo of the Swedish Reference Laboratory for Pathogenic Neisseria.

Alarming and predictable! If it was predictable, why wasn’t there a national moratorium on all Viacom reality shows?  For the Love of Ray-J and Rock of Love seem like the ideal control groups for such groundbreaking scientific research.

H041, first found in a the pharynx of a Japanese sex worker, is 4- to 8-fold more resistant to ceftriaxone — the only form of cephalosporin used to treat that type of gonorrhea in the throat — than any strain ever found.

In all seriousness, the new strain should be arriving soon to the U.S., and no one in the government is prepared for an outbreak.

Why this is so concerning is that there are no other treatment options besides cephalosporins right now,” said Dr. Kimberly Workowski, an STD infection expert at Emory University. “For pharyngeal infection, oral drugs do not work and ceftiaxone is the only injectable.”

Increasing doses of drugs that combat the STD can have toxic effects on the body, which is why it’s imperative to “strap-up” this summer if you plan on engaging reckless.

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One Comment

  1. Crazy, Like Snoop Dogg said, ain’t no p$%sy good enough to get burnt while up in it. But for real men usually are the ones spreading the bacteria so I hope they don’t avoid the doctor and get checked!

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