… if “dressing up” means wearing your silver Nikes.
Anyone who’s ever done weighted hip thrusts while having a serious conversation or watched two guys arm wrestle over the last jar of Pure Protein knows: Fitness is funny. The things we say, the things we do, and heaven help us, the things we WEAR. Every once in a while I take a step back and look at what I’m actually doing and it makes me giggle. So this weekend while I was laying on the floor doing my mandatory sets of butt clenches (excuse me, glute contractions) in the middle of the crowded gym, I came up with this list. I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing it!
You know you’re a fitness nerd if:
- You carry goggles, gloves, a jump rope and a change of clothes in your car at all times… and you’re not a serial killer.
- You’ve ever spent time running around a playground… without chasing a toddler.
- “Wardrobe malfunction” means that you got pinned with your arms above your head whilst trying to wiggle out of a sweaty sports bra. (And then what do you do? No seriously, I’m asking. Not that this has ever personally happened to me. Yes it has.)
- You can say “That’s a great a snatch!” without a trace of irony. (See also: “That’s a great rack!”)
- You’ve ever made a meal out of jerky, trail mix and the smashed remains of a Larabar… and you weren’t stranded in the wilderness.
- Your heart rate monitor watch accessorizes all your outfits. (Also: if you’ve ever worn the strap just to see how high your heart rate really gets during those PTA meetings.)
- You have more LBCs (little black capris) than you do LBDs (little black dresses).
- Someone ever said to you, “Man, Fran was the WOD and I was in zone 5 thanks to the AMRAP thrusters*” and you a) didn’t assume they were working in counter terrorism and b) answered “Yeah those kippers are the worst. I had DOMS for days!”
- You know and can explain the difference between P90X and Insanity. (What, Shaun T is black?!)
- You can name the BPM (beats per minute) of any pop song.
- Your purse is stuffed with little baggies of (healthy) snacks… and you’re not a pothead.
- Your socks come labeled with “L” and “R”… and your mom didn’t write them on with permanent marker. (Although that’s tots cool if she did. Moms are smart.)
- Your underwear is specially designed to wick moisture away, dry quickly and hide wet spots… and you’re not a potty training toddler in a pull-up.
- You’ve ever spent a sick amount of money on a bra designed to squish your boobs down into a flat indistinguishable lump… instead of a miracle bust-boosting cleavage-creating bra.
- You have a story about a gnarly bike/running/lifting accident with the scar to prove it… and it didn’t happen when you were a kid.
- You break every song into chunks of eight counts.
- You have an opinion about whey versus soy versus egg protein powders.
- You can name 20 variations on the push-up… and do five every time you go to the bathroom. Even if it’s a public bathroom.
- You’ve ever started a sentence with “Well mice aren’t humans but still the research is veryconvincing….”
- You’ve ever ended a sentence by singing “Girl look at that body! Ahhh, I work out!”
Come on, I know you guys have some awesome ones to add to my list! Finish this sentence, you know you’re a fitness geek if…
Do you ever look at yourself working out and just want to laugh sometimes?
*For you smart alecks: I know that the thrusters in Fran are numbered, not as many reps as possible. It just made the sentence funnier and when it comes to fact vs. funny, I always err on the side of humor. Which may be a problem. We’ll discuss that later.